What the hell am I doing?

I'm about to get on the back of a honda crotch rocket motorbike for a week in the Cambodian countryside. A motorbike, not a motorcycle, and part of this trip back down the godawful road that brought me here in the first place. For $5 and 6 hours on a bus, I could be in Phnom Penh by early afternoon tomorrow. But no. I have to be frickin Angelina Jolie (I wish) and head out to see the real Cambodia. I'm excited about it and panicking at the same time. Today was the worst torrential downpour that I've ever seen in my life. Buckets of rain for about 6 hours. Hopefully that means that the next week will be completely rainless, right? I know that this is going to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and what the hell do I have to complain about when I can rent myself a posh splurge room for a night to rest and recover while most of the people around me here are still left with nothing, sleeping in the rain. We're making a big loop of northwestern cambodia, returning this way to head south for phnom penh after visiting Heang's family. He is excited for me to help his sister to practice her english. He's a super smart guy - eager to learn and knows a lot about cambodian history. He's quick with a gentle pat on the shoulder when it all gets too much for me to bear emotionally, and he unintentionally makes me feel guilty for my minor complains and issues. I swear to all of you - you would never complain about anything else in your life if you spent just one week in a place like this. There is more poverty here than you can image if you haven't seen it, yet few people (usually only the amputees) ask for a simple handout. Everyone works so hard for anything that they can get, and from sunrise to sunset, laying roads in the most miserable of humid heat, and selling what trinkets they can to tourists. Sure it can get annoying to be seen as a wallet with legs, but they're trying so hard that it's only fair to do what you can to help. We're going to load up in Sisophon with what I can afford and deliver food and clothes to some of the villages. Hopefully I won't break the bank in just this one week...

I'm off in the morning. I'm sure I'll have a series of long blogs to catch up with when I get back to a computer. Wish me luck.